Thursday, November 24, 2016

SELFISHLY SELFISH


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When people are sensitive it may be difficult to deal with them. Some may say “It’s not hard at all to deal with sensitive people. Just speak nicely to them and they will be okay.”

Granted that may be true in some cases, however, let us look at it from another angle. Let us say this ‘sensitive’ person is also an explosive type. So now, not only are you dealing with somebody who is sensitive, but you are dealing with somebody who is selfishly sensitive.

Things then become ironic, because they require you to speak to them or treat them with the utmost careful manner, but when you fail to abide by their command, they tear into you, withholding all sensitivity without secone thought.

They may choose many avenues to do this. Their preference could be to yell at you, perhaps correct you, simply judge you, or even cry. No matter what their outburst consists of you can be certain they will not hold back the fact that you have offended them.

As a matter of fact, they may not tell you immediately, perhaps not for many hours, days, weeks, months or even years later what you have done to ‘hurt’ them. Moreover, they may not tell you face to face. In fact it is highly probable they may call, write it in an email, a letter, or even a text. But you better believe it will be their focus to let you know how deeply you have offended them.

It now becomes their focus to regurgitate their emotional pain all over you. They may hit you with it when you least expect it, or funny enough, right when you were just thinking of how they have changed for the better, then BAM! Out of the blue they plough you, hoping to double you over ten fold times the amount their pain.

So finally you pick yourself up off the floor, or you get out of the corner you ran into. First you give your head a good shake, maybe two. Oh gosh, let’s make it three in some cases, and then you confront the circumstances… with logic of course and not emotion. Why logic? Well the last thing you want to do is address the situation with the emotional torment they just attempted to transfer onto you.

You see, no matter how low you feel at that moment, it’s best not to focus on ‘woe me’, and by using emotion you could easily slip into that mindset. So just like after a physical injury, the faster you start the physiotherapy the quicker you feel better, the same thing applies during an emotional injury, start the healing process quick time. Do not take on the emotions. Be emotion proof. Accept the fact that you are not perfect and that yes, because of that reason, chances are you did say or do something that offended the sensitive person, but do not defend yourself. Most times it does not make things better.

Now, even though it does not help to defend yourself, in some cases you may be expected to offer an explanation as to why you behaved with such a lack of compassion. This is what you do, simply explain your actions with commonsense, while using a calm balanced tone, all with the mindset of peace as the desired end result.
Chances are you will be fighting a losing battle in the first place, because the sensitive person is not always looking for reconciliation. Most times they are just interested in expressing the pain of their wound. Nevertheless, you have nothing more to lose, so do your best. Some sensitive people actually can call upon commonsense in the midst of their crippling moment and calm down when they feel that you are being sincere with your explanation.

Overall, at the end of the day, expect them to be a little sore even after you explain yourself, but in time they will eventually forgive you and may even forget what you have done. Even after your efforts if they do not warm back up, then there is noting more you can do except be rested in the fact that you tried your best to do your best to gain their forgiveness… when you shouldn’t have to in the first place, but out of sensitivity you did.

Now if you continually experience this with a boyfriend or girlfriend, then be sure to weigh your future options regarding a mate.
If you are planning to marry this person… well um, get a prenuptial agreement signed.
If this person is your co-worker, then pray they find another job, or you do.
If this person is your business partner then have two different lawyers and everything in writing.
If this person is your friend then you need a new buddy to hang out with. Of course continue be cordial to the person, but consider spending less time with them if everything you say is monitored, analyzed and judged. It’s clear that they are not completely balanced or settled in their ways, and the old saying is “you are who your friends are” so what does your friend say about you if your friend is unbalanced? Okay perhaps you’re just a nice person chilling with a not so balanced friend... still find another friend to chill with.
There is not much you can do if the person is a family member. You know the old saying “You can pick your friends but not your family” so deal with it. Plus, after so many years of knowing each other you should know each others sensitive sides and work around them, or at least be tougher to not get all worked up. When it comes to family just know the storm will pass if you let go and let life lead. 
~Cerise

 www.cerisefairfax.com



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